Have you ever strongly considered getting divorced? Yeah, me too. Have you ever talked to a lawyer about getting divorced? Yes, I’ve done that, too.
But, have you ever had a lawyer offer to give you a discount on your legal fees for a divorce if you try his favorite online marriage counselor and fail to reconcile. No. That’s never happened to me. I’m always the dumb lawyer making that stupid offer.
And every now and then, I catch the right client at the right moment, and speak to him or her in the right way. Then I’m actually able to convince one spouse to be a better spouse than the one she or he has so he or she can get the better spouse he or she wants. (Well, that was confusing, but it does make sense. Read on McDuff.)
It just happened a few minutes ago today. Let me tell you how it happened.
Harold (obviously not his real name) called me up and told me he had been referred to me by George (obviously not his real name) to answer Harold’s questions and tell Harold if Harold should file to get a divorce from Wilma (obviously not her real name) today or not.
I opened up a new case file, checked for conflicts (Nope, Wilma hasn’t consulted me first), and began relating with Harold. Harold and Wilma haven’t been married as long the 36 years Susan and I have been married. But they have been married at least half as long (18 years for the mathematically challenged among us). Harold definitely has grounds to divorce Wilma. They have no significant assets, except Harold’s retirement account, more than half of which is marital property. And Wilma makes about 25% of what Harold does each year.
A longer than 18-year marriage and a wife who makes 25% of what her husband does usually means Harold will probably have to pay some alimony to get out of the marriage. But Harold reminds me he has grounds and Wilma is definitely at fault.
And then I asked the question that often costs me a new divorce client and generates me a new marriage counseling referral instead. “So, Harold, it looks like you definitely have grounds, but you may end up paying Wilma at least $1,000 a month for 10 – 20 years unless she gets remarried or dies. So that just leaves us with this last question.”
“Which is?”
“Are you ready to pull the plug on your marriage of more than 18 years and kill your relationship with the woman you’ve slept with for all that time, that you’ve shared your lifetime with, that you’ve taken care of her so far this far and she’s taken care of you?”
“Well-ll-ll,” he draws out the word.
“Or do you want to take a pause here and take the best first step toward avoiding divorce, which is to ask for some help, and talk about whether there’s someone at your church or some type of marriage counselor you two might want to see before you shoot this dying dog of a marriage?”
During the ensuing whole other conversation, I share with him my favorite online marriage counselor and community and make him the same offer I’ve made others before. “The doctor charges $600 for her marriage counseling course. Try it. If it doesn’t work out for you as well as it’s worked out for me and you still have to get divorced and you hire me to represent you, then the first $600 of your legal fees is on me, just for your trying to save what’s left of your failing marriage.”
We agreed to have Harold talk to Wilma about seeking the counseling. We’ll see what next week brings.
It constantly amazes me how many prospective clients call me to file their divorce without even considering seeking ways they can save their marriage. Almost all marriages are savable if one spouse can get the other one to take the Best First Step To Avoiding Divorce, which is seeking help and getting some good marriage counseling.
[reminder]Have you ever needed counseling for your relationship with anyone personally before?[/reminder]
In the meantime, remember you GOTTABGATT!, so go out there today and be Great! All the time!