In Part 4 of this series of posts about prioritizing your relationships, we discussed why and how God comes first, then you, and we left off saying next comes a close family triad level comprised of your parent(s), your spouse, and your child(ren). The three parts of this triad come and go and shift priorities as they do so.
Your life began with a pair of parents. As a mate edges into this relationship space, there is a natural transition from being a child to being a spouse, which pushes the parents a little bit lower on the pyramid. As children come along, they push their way in between your spouse and both of your parents (your children’s grandparents). As your children become adults and your parents age excessively and become more dependent on you, your children and your parents will again change levels in this relationship space.
Most of the time, however, your children will precede your parents in priority. Almost anyone can be a father or a mother. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your perspective), it is much more difficult to be a “Mom” or a “Dad.” When you decide to be a “Mom” or ‘Dad’ to your children, then you usually agree to be totally responsible for them for your entire life, regardless of whether they grow up and live successful lives of their own. For real parents, as opposed to mere ‘biosources,’ their children are their highest priorities right after their spouses.”
If you have living parents, and they were and are good parents, then they have been and continue to be the source of much of your resources in this world, and are deserving of your love, respect, and help, in return for what they have given you. So you need to be sure you do not take your parents for granted and forget your responsibilities to them.
If you are blessed with both children and living parents, you have a vested interest in being sure your kids see you taking especially good care of your folks, as they grow older and become more needy of care. Why? Because, it will happen much too soon that your parents become your children and you, in turn, will become your children’s children. Hence, you have some self-interest in making sure that your kids know how to take care of this particular responsibility.
Regardless of the interplay between your parents and your children, your spouse should always remain positioned immediately beneath your self. Your spouse should always be the second most important person in the world to you (immediately after your self), loving you and supporting you pretty much unconditionally for years to come and everything you become and everything you do will probably be due in large part to that love and support. Ideally, your spouse will be with you before you have children and he or she will remain with you long after both your parents and your children have gone their respective ways. Therefore, after God and your self, your spouse is the next highest relationship you have.”
Before we move on to relationships with people who are not your close family, let’s take a moment in Part 6 of this series of posts on prioritizing your relationships to discuss in some detail the concept of practicing personal primacy.