4 Scams to Warn Your Grandparents (Self, Spouse, Parents, Kids, and Others) About

Have you or someone you care for ever been scammed? If so, it may be because you or they are a member of the “Flat Forehead Society.” Those with flat foreheads usually get them by slamming their palms between their eyes when they find out some “such a nice person” has duped them out of some hard-earned money as they exclaim, “But he was such a nice person. That’s the last person I would have thought would do that to me.”

Has a slick scammer ever made you do that? Yeah, me too. And, as a well-seasoned litigating lawyer, I’m supposed to be immune to scammers. But, every now and then, one of them gets a leg up on me and treats me worse than a dog treats a fire hydrant. And they do it to my elderly clients more often than my younger clients, though plenty of my other clients call and ask what they can do about being scammed.

Why do older people get scammed in higher numbers? Usually because older (but also younger) Great! people have a tendency to give strangers the benefit of the doubt. Most often, however, they just aren’t thinking quickly enough to get ahead of the scammers.

Because forewarned is forearmed (and a four-armed person can best defend themselves), here’s a quick list of four scams bad people are trying to pull over on Great! people:

  1. Tech Support: Someone calls, says their company has seen that your computer has been hacked, directs you to a website, which confirms your computer has been hacked, and tells you to pay them for unhacking it. What’s really happening is they are hacking your computer while you are on their site. The Four-Armed Defense is to simply hang up whenever anyone you don’t know calls you up and asks you to do anything you have never done before.
  2. IRS Agents: Someone calls, says they’re from the IRS, tells you the last four digits of your social security number (ask them for the first five and see what happens), and you either owe them additional taxes or they have a refund for you. Then they tell you to give them a credit or debit card number to which to they can apply your refund or take your tax payment over the phone. Obviously, they will steal your money with the information. The Four-Armed Defense is to simply hang up whenever anyone you don’t know calls you and says they are from the IRS. The IRS never, NEVER, NEVER EVER calls people on the phone.
  3. Help Us Save The Sick: Someone calls, says, “Hi, I’m calling from the Great! People Are Dying From Cancer (uh, Colitis; uh, Diabetes; uh, Some Other Sickness) Foundation” and then gets you talking and then gets you to pull your credit card out of your wallet, hold it next to your bleeding heart, and think of the good your donation will do in the world. The Four-Armed Defense is to simply hang up whenever anyone you don’t know calls you up and asks you to do anything you have never done before.
  4. Your Bank’s New Chip Card Department: Someone calls and says you need to answer some questions over the phone or log in to their website to confirm your address and pin number so they can send you your new fancy credit card with that little chip in it. What’s really happening is they are hacking your computer while you are on their site or accessing your bank account with the information you are giving them over the phone. The Four-Armed Defense is to simply hang up whenever anyone you don’t know calls you up and asks you to do anything you have never done before.

The next time we call you and ask you for money to help people be Great! All the time! (this will never happen, but if it ever does), simply hang up the phone.

[reminder]Have you ever been scammed?[/reminder]

The Most Important Way To Show You Want A Productive Relationship

The Produce is Better From a Daily Tended GardenHave you ever had a relationship simply disappear before your very eyes? After the shock of realizing the other half of the relationship is gone, did you ever wonder, to yourself or even others, “What happened?”

Was it you? Was it the other person? Did a third person steal the relationship away?

Yeah. I’ve had those “What happened?” moments more times than I’d ever care to count. Luckily, I’ve kept the first, second, third, and fourth through ninth relationships in my life fairly solid over the long term. Ditto for a handful of truly close friendships as well.

Nonetheless, for the rest of those relationships that have slipped through my fingers, the common denominator is Continue reading “The Most Important Way To Show You Want A Productive Relationship”

5 Things To Bake The Wow! Into Your Life

Real quick. Here are 5 things that have high impact.Knead Your Greatness

  1. Get to it! Now! Be able to move quickly from what you know to do to just doing it already.
  2. All people have value.
  3. Find other people’s value and it will help you find yours.
  4. Constantly rise.
  5. Go out there today and be Great! All the time!

[reminder]Should we use short posts like these or longer ones that deliver more teaching in greater depth?[/reminder]

Two Ways To Help People Close To You Who Are Suffering – Part 1

Have you ever had a relationship with someone who was truly suffering? Did you feel helpless to do anything about it? Did you choose avoiding that suffering person instead?

Yeah, me too. I know how you must have felt, because I’ve felt the same way at times myself. In addition, from June 26 to September 26 last year, those who know me well know I suffered a debilitating quarter enduring a relentless and very painful illness. But let me share with you two better ways I noticed my best friends helping me and what I in turn learned about how to deal with people who are suffering.

Most of us caring people are problem solvers. When we see ourselves or our loved ones having a problem, all we want to do is help them solve their problem. When most people cannot help solve someone else’s problem, they tend to avoid that person and their problem all together.

The proper things to do to relate with someone about their suffering, however, are:

  1. To turn toward the sufferer
  2. To share with the sufferer their work to reclaim and refocus their suffering.

We will discuss how to turn toward the person and his or her problem in this Part 1 and then discuss refocusing and reclaiming in Part 2.

Turning toward the suffer and the suffering means doing the following things:

  • Recognize the sufferer and the suffering
  • Express an interest in the person’s suffering
  • Meaningfully become more present and engaged

Recognizing a person’s suffering is not always as easy as it sounds. Some people try to suffer silently. So taking the first step of recognizing that person and their suffering takes a bit of doing. You have to scratch down below the surface of your relationship dig a tunnel so to speak between the two of you to be a conduit to enter that person’s world of suffering by doing the following things:

  • Look at the person
  • Listen attentively to what he or she is saying
  • Transition to the second step of turning toward the person and expressing an interest in his or her suffering

Expressing an interest in the details of a person’s suffering is not always easy for either you or the sufferer. He or she may be discomforted talking about their own suffering because they feel stygmatized or shamed by it. The best thing to do is jump all the way to the chase and ask, “What’s the worst part of this whole deal for you?”

The third part of turning toward your person’s suffering, meaningfully becoming more present and engaged, is the most important and most difficult part of all. You have to immediately and intentionally focus on the person’s suffering as they experience it even when it is horrible and troubling to both of you. Do not try to objectify it, reorient it, or recategorize it. Instead, do this things:

  • Be with the sufferer
  • Bear witness to his or her suffering
  • Stand fast in compassionate solidarity with your person even as he or she is suffering
  • Be humble by never saying “I understand,” because unless you are feeling the suffering, you cannot possibly understand it. Instead, say something like, “I can only imagine what you are going through.

Dealing with suffering is not a light and happy thing. It is, however, part of life. The name of this blog is Great! All the Time!; not just Great!, But Only When It’s Easy!

Some of our people suffer. Sometimes we suffer. It’s how we apply all our types of resources to the suffering that makes us Great! All the time! even despite suffering and despair.

[reminder]When was the last time you saw someone suffering?[/reminder]

Until we meet again in Part 2, remember, you GOTTABGATT!, so go out there today and be Great! All the time!

Helping Sufferers Suffer – Part 2

In Part 1 of this series on how to best help people in your circle who are suffering, I explained turning toward the sufferer in as meaningful a way as possible. In this Part 2, I’ll show you how to refocus and reclaim a sufferer’s suffering to obtain as much value as possible from it, as strange as that may seem to you now.

Refocusing and reclaiming suffering enables sufferers to reconnect with what is important, meaningful, and generative in their lives. People who are suffering can always move forward.

Rather than merely coping with the suffering, both the sufferer and the person seeking to help him or her should seek the following things:

  • Adaptation
  • Confidence
  • Clarity concerning their values and aspirations
  • Connections with family and friends that are deep and meaningful
  • Wholeness
  • Gratitude

Refocusing and reclaim is not an easy, quick-fix patch to suffering. It is hard work and requires the following steps:

  • Attentive listening
  • Recognition of ambiguity, incompleteness, and contradictions
  • Gentle challenging of the sufferers self-perceptions
  • Encouraging consideration of alternative views
  • Providing hope that some of what really matters to the sufferer is achievable, if only to a limited degree
  • Developing new productive relationships
  • Driving from passive suffering to active engagement in managing the cause of the sufferer’s suffering
  • Thriving despite adversity, disease, disability, or impending death

Taking a holistic approach to suffering is a radical departure from how most “helpers” and sufferers try to “make it better” or give up and bear the pain.

It is, however, the essence of Greatness!

[reminder preface=”Tell me your thoughts on this issue.”]When was the last time you engaged someone who was suffering? What happened.[/reminder]

In the meantime, remember, you GOTTABGATT!, so go out there today and be Great! All the time!

 

The Best First Step To Avoiding Divorce

Can we trytowork this out- (1)Have you ever strongly considered getting divorced? Yeah, me too. Have you ever talked to a lawyer about getting divorced? Yes, I’ve done that, too.

But, have you ever had a lawyer offer to give you a discount on your legal fees for a divorce if you try his favorite online marriage counselor and fail to reconcile. No. That’s never happened to me. I’m always the dumb lawyer making that stupid offer.

And every now and then, I catch the right client at the right moment, and speak to him or her in the right way. Then I’m actually able to convince one spouse to be a better spouse than the one she or he has so he or she can get the better spouse he or she wants. (Well, that was confusing, but it does make sense. Read on McDuff.)

It just happened a few minutes ago today. Let me tell you how it happened.  Continue reading “The Best First Step To Avoiding Divorce”

13 More Reasons You Can Stop Hating Your Self and Rightsize Your Body

Stop Hating Your SelfHave you ever sighed with tears in your eyes and said to yourself, “I hate my self! I am so fat I’ll never be able to be a normal weight again!”

Yeah, me too. But let me tell you what I found out. If I just learned to listen to my body, only eat only as much I needed to thrive, and move my fat ass more during my entire day, then I would be able to be a normal weight again. And not only have I done it, but Susan has done it as well. And so have another 13 men and women featured in this week’s People magazine. And if Susan and I can do it and these 13 “real” folks (and the hundreds like them People has featured over the past several years) can do it, then you can to.

And Susan and I will help you, every step of the way. Continue reading “13 More Reasons You Can Stop Hating Your Self and Rightsize Your Body”

Suggestions For Being Great! All The Time!

I couldn’t resist taking my own suggestion and using it on being Great! All the Time!

Dictionary.com:

adjective, greater, greatest.
1. unusually or comparatively large in size or dimensions: A great fire destroyed nearly half the city.
2. large in number; numerous: Great hordes of tourists descend on Europe each summer.
3. unusual or considerable in degree, power, intensity, etc.: great pain.
4. wonderful; first-rate; very good: We had a great time. That’s great!
5. being such in an extreme or notable degree: great friends; a great talker.
6. notable; remarkable; exceptionally outstanding: a great occasion.
7. important; highly significant or consequential: the great issues in American history.
ENJOY!

The 1 Trick To Figuring Out How To Be All You Want To Be

[button href=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU” primary=”true” centered=”true” newwindow=”true”]Click Here To Be Happy![/button]

Have you ever greatly wanted to be something, but you just couldn’t figure out how to do it? Yeah, me too.

A wise man once said, “If you want to be something, then do the something you want to be.” To which I almost always asked, “But how do I figure out how to do that?

To which he almost always told me …  Continue reading “The 1 Trick To Figuring Out How To Be All You Want To Be”

The 1 Way To Get Your People To Admit Their Mistakes

Report errors and love the errant
Report errors and love the errant

Have you ever been overly severely chastised? So severely reprimanded that not only you felt guilty (because you felt you had done something badly), but also, and worse, you felt shamed (because you felt you were a bad person for having done something badly). No one likes heavy-handed reactions to their mistakes in life, even well-deserved ones. So, if you would much prefer your people feeling empowered rather than ashamed, then you must consider this.

Continue reading “The 1 Way To Get Your People To Admit Their Mistakes”